Jokes
This is a list of voice emote jokes for each race and each gender. Because of the way player characters work, these lines are accessed via the /silly slash command instead of the usual "repeated click" method from the realtime strategy (RTS) games (wherein you could repeatedly click on a unit and it would begin saying strange things after a few clicks). ;See also: * FrameXML/GlobalStrings.lua Alliance Dwarf female * "No they're not real, but thanks for noticing." * "I don't like to be underground. It reminds me of death." * "I like my ale like I like my men: Dark and rich." * "It's like my father always used to say: 'Shut up, and get out.' " * "My Uncle has brass balls, no really!" * "I give myself a Dutch oven pedicure every night. I've got no foot fungus at all. My toes are pristine." Dwarf male * "Hi hooo, hi hooo... ehh, uhh, second verse, same as the first." * "Ahhh, winter... Yes... Winter..." * ('Rip!') "Oh, I'm having a wardrobe malfunction! ('twang') Ooo, there's me hammer." * "I don't have a drinkin' problem! I drink, I get drunk, I fall down. No problem!" (A reference of Too Hot by Swollen Members.) * "I don't drink anymore... course, I don't drink any less either!" * "I like my beer like I like my women: Stout and bitter." * "Oh, I'm just a social drinker. Every time someone says, 'I'll have a drink', I say, 'So shall I'!" Gnome female * "I apologize profusely for any inconvenience my murderous rampage may have caused." * "I've discovered that getting pummeled by a blunt weapon can be quite painful." * "You know... squirrels can be deadly when cornered." * "Some day, I hope to find the nuggets on a chicken." Gnome male * "You know, I really wish I had a garden where I could put a couple of human statues." * "I think that last vendor short changed me. Oh, that was a bad one." * "I do hope to find some interesting gadgets around here. I do love tinkering with things." * "I had an idea for a device that you could put small pieces of bread in to cook, but in the end I really didn't think there'd be much of a market for it." * "I'd like to give a shout out to my boys in Gnomeregan. Keeping it real Big-T, Snoop-Pup and Little Dees. Y'all are short, but you're real, baby!" (All hip-hop rappers references.) * "I look bigger in those mirrors where things look bigger." * "I like large posteriors and I cannot prevaricate." (More verbose lyric change to Sir Mixalot's "Baby Got Back".) Human female * "Why does everyone automatically assume I know tailoring and cooking?" * "Do you ever feel like you're not in charge of your own destiny, like... you're being controlled by an invisible hand?" * "Sometimes, I have trouble CONTROLLING THE VOLUME OF MY VOICE!" (A reference to Austin Powers.) * "I like to fart in the tub." * "Me and my girlfriends exchange clothes all the time; we're all the same size." * "I can't find anywhere to get my nails done." * "I can't wait till this quest is done and I can look for another Garibaldi artifact." (A reference to the tv show Alias in which Sydney Bristow (played by Jennifer Garner) was often sent around the world to search for the artifacts of Milo Rambaldi.) Human male * "Cover for me! I gotta whiz behind a tree." * "So, an orc walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says 'Hey, where'd you get that?' The parrot says 'Durotar. They've got them all over the place.' " * "A duck walked into an apothecary and said 'Give me some ChapStick... and put it on my bill!" * "How does a Tauren hide in a cherry tree? He paints his hooves red!" * "A guy walked up to me and said 'I'm a tepee, I'm a wigwam, I'm a tepee, I'm a wigwam!' and I said 'Relax man, you're too tense (two tents)!'" * "So, I have this idea for a great movie. It's about two gnomes who find a bracelet of power, and they have to take it to the Burning Steppes and cast it into the Cauldron. They form the Brotherhood of the Bracelet. Along the way they're trailed by a murloc named Gottom, who's obsessed with the bracelet, and nine bracelet bogeymen. It could be a three-parter, called 'Ruler of the Bracelet'. The first part would be called 'The Brotherhood of the Bracelet', followed by 'A Couple of Towers', with the climactic ending called 'Hey, the King's Back!'" (A reference to the Lord of the Rings trilogy. Ironically, The Cauldron is in Searing Gorge, not Burning Steppes.) Night Elf female * "You know, I have to keep moving at night. Or I'll disappear!" (In WC3, Shadowmeld was a passive ability and when the night elf would stop moving at night, the ability would be activated.) * "Actually, I'm more of a... Morning Elf." * "You know, Wisps are actually pretty useful for personal hygiene." * "I think guys just use the Emerald Dream as an excuse to avoid calling me back." * (Sarcastically) "Oh, look, I'm dancing again! (Darkly) I hope all your friends are enjoying the show..." Night Elf male * "Last night I went to an awesome stag party." (A stag party is another word for a bachelor party.) * "You know those Ancient Protectors in Darnassus? They're not that old." * "Man, I was halfway through the Emerald Dream when I had to pee." * "Is that thing sharp? Could that thing cut me? I'm... not immortal now you know." (A reference to the fact that when the night elves destroyed Nordrassil to prevent the return of the Burning Legion, they lost their immortality, as well as the common fantasy legend of elves being immortal in their forest.) * "I don't know about you, but I can't understand a thing those Wisps say. I usually just nod." * "Who wants to live forever?" (A reference to the fact that when the night elves destroyed Nordrassil to prevent the return of the Burning Legion, they lost their immortality; also the title of one of Queen's greatest hits.) * "What? I didn't hear that." (A reference to elves having big ears and thus better hearing.) * "I don't mind the Gnomes, but I'm always worried about tripping over one." Draenei female *"Why does everyone have trouble with the name of our people? It sounds just like it is spelled." *"How exactly do you crash into a planet? That's what I want to know." *"Yes, they are real, and they can cut glass." *"Single Draenei female seeks blacksmith with grinding wheel to take care of me and my gorgeous hooves." *"Look at my hoof! Does this crack look infected to you?" *"'Stop and ask for directions,' I told him. But no, 'It's inter-dimensional,' he says. 'What can go wrong?'" *"This planet has a tremendous supply of sandstone. The inhabitants must be wealthy beyond their dreams." (A reference to the TV show ALF.) *"I have a wonderful recipe. Bring two gnomes, two eggs. Beat Gnomes, separate the eggs- or was it... eh, details." (Confirmed 1/17/06 as being in-game.) *"Are you thinking what I'm thinking? ...Good! Bring ample supply of butter and goblin jumper cables." These appear to have been removed since the Burning Crusade beta: *"Do Gnomes have a vibrate setting? I'm just curious." Draenei Male *"What do you mean 'there's an octopus on my face'?" *"I love this planet! I come here; I see cow and chicken and ride little horsies. THIS PLANET HAS EVERYTHING!" *"You know, our tails add to our natural balance and agility, ha!" *Loud noise of metal crashing to the floor* *"We have it all figured out. Step One: We land the Exodar. Step Three: We defeat Legion and go home... there is only one detail missing." *"When we arrived here I lost many jewels that had been in my family for generations. If you could get your hands on my family jewels I would be deeply appreciative." *"We did not realize, but in Naaru language 'Exodar' means 'defective elekk turd'." Horde Forsaken female * "You don't need deodorant when you don't have any armpits!" * "Yes, they're REAL! They're not mine, but they're real!" * "I'd paint my toenails, but I'm not sure where they FELL OFF!" * "Ah, doornails." * "I heard a knee slapper once, and skipped my kneecap right across a lake." * "You know, once you're dead, nothin' smells bad anymore. Rotten eggs? No problem. Dead fish? Like a spring breeze." * "This stinks." * "I'm in a rotten mood." Forsaken male * "Roses are gray, violets are gray, I'm dead and colorblind." (A reference to a poem by Sir Edmund Spencer.) * "I'm dead... and I'm pissed." * "Hey diddle diddle, the mucous and the spittle. The corpse sank in the lagoon. The murloc said 'mmmmm' to see such a sight, and the dwarf spanked the baboon." * "Anyone have any odorant? Either 'Wet Dog', 'Fresh Garbage', or 'Low Tide' would do." (A reference to the movie Monsters, Inc.) * "I can't stand the smell of Orcs." Orc female * "Darn, I need my chest waxed again!" * "I'm very feminine. And I'll beat the crap out of ANYONE who disagrees!" * "What's estrogen? Can you eat it?" * "I have no respect for people with small piercings. I say go full hog. Put a spear through your head." * "Man. I think that boar meat's comin back on me. I gotta hit the can. Anyone have a hearthstone?" * "Get between me and my food, and you'll lose a hand." Orc male * (Sung)"I come from the Orcs. We eat with spoons and forks. We love to eat our pork!" * "It's not easy being green." (reference to a song sung by Kermit the frog) * "Orc smash!" (A reference to the Hulk) * "Stop poking me! Well, that was okay." (A running gag since Warcraft I.) * "Man, dawg, you know, it's like I'm feeling you, but I'm not feeling you, you know?" (A reference to Randy Jackson on American Idol.) * "I will CRUSH and DESTROY and... ooo... shiny..." Tauren female * "One time I laughed so hard I milked all over the floor." * "You know how hard it is to get your groove on with the spirit of your great grandmother watching over you?" * "In my native tongue, my name is Dances with Tassels." (A reference to the movie Dances with Wolves.) * "Happy Tauren come from Mulgore." (A reference to the "Happy Cows come from California" commercials.) Tauren male * "Homogenized? No way, I like the ladies." * "Moo. Are you happy now?" * "Y’know, Tauren are born hunters. You ever see a Tauren catch a salmon out of a stream? It really is quite exciting. You ever see a Tauren stalk a python? 'Course you haven't. That's because Tauren are so adept at blending in with their surroundings." * "Here’s the beef!" (A reference to a Wendy's restaurant chain ad slogan, "Where's the beef?") * "I know it seems strange, but I'm practically a cow, so why am I wearing leather?" * "Mess with the bull, you get the horns." (A quote from The Breakfast Club.) Troll female * Da way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but I go through da ribcage! * Strong halitosis be but one of my feminine traits. * I feel pretty. Oh so pretty. . (A reference to West Side Story.) * If cannibalism be wrong, I don't want to be right! (A reference to the joke: “If being a carnivore/omnivore is Wrong! I don’t want to be Right!”. A joke aimed at vegetarianism/veganism.) * I got all this, and personality too. Troll male * "I've got a shrunken head: I just came out of the pool." * "I heard if you cut off an extremity it'll regenerate a little bigger. Don't believe it." * "New Troll here." (This is a reference to Warcraft II; every time a new Troll Axe Thrower was produced by the barracks, it would say "New troll here," to let you know it was ready.) * "Cooking's done. Stew here!" * "I like my women dumpy and droopy with halitosis." This one has been removed from the game: * "I kill two dwarves in da morning, I kill two dwarves at night, I kill two dwarves in the afternoon, and then I feel alright. I kill two dwarves in time of peace and two in time of war, I kill two dwarves before I kill two dwarves, and then I kill two more." (The Toyes song "Smoke 2 joints", which was covered by Sublime) Blood Elf female * "Ugh I hate Thunder Bluff! You can't find a good burger anywhere." * "So I went to this troll spa the other day and I wound up with dreadlocks and a frigging bone in my nose! I mean come on! Who PAYS for that?" *"I went to Undercity to get a facial. Ha! Have you seen these people? I said, 'You don't have a lower jaw and you're going to give ME a facial?' She got mad...at least I think she did. You ever heard someone talk without a lower jaw? 'Rawe-rau-werew' Ho-ho! She sounded like a murloc!" * "Do you think the expansion will make me fat?" * "So you mean I'm stuck with this hair color?!" (This quote was from pre-Patch 3.0.2, which since included the barber shop.) * "How can I miss you if you don't go away?" * "Mirrors can't talk. Luckily for you, they can't laugh either!" * "I'm the girl the warned you about." Blood Elf male * "Give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to... *angry grunt* Just give me some freakin' magic before I kill somebody!" (This is a reference to the ; the ending is "...and the wisdom to know the difference. This is also the prayer said in A.A.) * "I'm trying to cut back on arcane magic... look, I got the patch." * "We're allied with the Tauren? Fantastic! We'll be having steak twice a week." * "Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me?" (A reference to the Pussycat Dolls song "Dont'Cha".) * (Sighs) "I could really use a scrunchy... yeah, you heard me!" * "So I was in line to the Bat Handler yesterday with some undead guy in front of me and all of the sudden he just lets one go! Didn't even try to disguise it! I don't know what he ate but it did not agree with him. I thought, 'What crawled up YOU and died'"? * "The problem with these Horde characters is they lack sophistication. *farts*" Other Voidwalker * "I... am... Void.... where prohibited." Succubus * "First, we'll start with a little fire! *Fiery Sound* 'Am I bugging you?' 'I'm not touching you!' 'Am I bugging you?' 'I'm not touching you!!' There, now you're hot AND bothered. * "Don't touch what you can't afford..." Felguard * I play all my records backwards! !sdrawkcab sdrocer ym lla yalp I (A reference to backmasking in music. Some Christian groups in the 1980s alleged rock musicians used backmasking to place satanic messages in songs.) Imp * "You know we've had some real good times together but I really think I should start seeing other warlocks. Just a little on the side. No no no it's not you, it's me. I just really need my space." External links Category:Lore